The day is breaking III

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The end is always the hardest

I forget when I stopped looking at you with love

The moment pity started from bodies colliding

bodies breaking

Today the horizon is gray

The sky has no limit

And neither do our memories

Stretched beyond neither of us can bear

We love too much,

We love too little

stones in our pockets

Lies on our lips

I always smile before you’re hurting

My baba only taught me strength through coldness

Forgive me

There is nothing to rekindle

Only ashes remain of what we knew of us

Today I am breaking

Into the wound that is sky

Today I am waking

To a sadness I’ve known since birth

Today I hope you forget to remember –

Me

Our lives (broken & open)

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(Painting: Li Guijin, title unknown)

I’m so afraid when you hold me: I’m terrified of the loss inside multiply: I had something taken from me long ago: aka I didn’t have a heart: aka it was a toy to be trampled over by cruel men: aka I’m so afraid of us becoming the face of my abuser: I keep hoping I won’t fall in love with the one who hurt me: the one who left me: the one who beat me: I’m still afraid but when you hold me I feel your weight and its comfort and safety I feel your weight and strength: god carry me I am broken: I am open: I know the terror still persists but when I kiss your lips the fear subsides and I love how together we take to the skies I want you forever and if you ask me I’ll say yes you make me nervous all the time but the good kind of thrills that run through my chest: I think I’m in love: I think I met my other half: I think I feel the ground shake when I put my hand in his; all my life I’ve been looking for this; baby will you be mine

Lord give us your blessing let us live in your skies: our lives intertwined